Of Human Bondage
The fundamental assumption of man being a rational being is contingent on a number of interdependent factors. First and foremost, it is exogenously assumed that the individual (or individuals under the limelight) is sane and is therefore equipped to take the best decisions that could have been taken in an environment that is facilitative and not particularly hostile. Sanity in this case essentially refers to conforming to existing social norms which have survived the test of time and have been vetted not only by “headless chickens” but also by the radical liberals and conservatives.
I have often expressed great pride in emphasing (and in most cases, harping upon) the fact that I am an extremely rational human being. In fact I would perhaps go on a step further to describe myself as someone who is “irrationally rational” ,has a say in most things which concern hapless individuals, often betided by grief or extreme poverty and is devoted to the “Cause”, which was universal and hence impossible to define. In short, I was the intellectual, who had read Kafka when he was seventeen, sweared by Andrea Bocelli, loved reading Chomsky (occasionally) and hated people who did not have their own point of view.
One of the advantages of growing old is that while one continues to retain nuances or characteristics which define him/her as a person, one “mellows down” considerably. The above statement ,it must be mentioned,does not necessarily imply that one takes everything that comes up as “ the Divine Truth” (without questioning its sanctity). It is merely an extension of not questioning everything but only things which are of consequence. How one defines “consequence” is also a function of one’s age (in years, months,days, hours and in most cases even seconds) .
The last two years in Mumbai have been a revelation in more ways than one. Among many other things, it made me realise the fact that for someone who was proud of being rational I was exceptionally rigid. I would in most cases not see beyond my arguments, would consider hypotheses as abstractions of reality (and hence irrelevant)and my own words as the “Prophetic” . Perhaps I took Simon & Garfunkel too seriously.
I must clarify at this point that this realisation does not however lead me to doubt my intellectual prowess. I believe that I am sufficiently well read (and therefore entitled to comment of issues of importance ), know my subject very well and more often than not , be it by luck or coincidence can gauge external stimuli well in advance so as to ensure that I remain unaffected by its externality.
I would like to believe that I was reasonably well known in school ,had been somewhat of a loner in college and yet had managed to stand out because of reasons beyond my circle of influence and was used to being someone who was a known face. What this brought forward was the realisation that while I could be asocial, people around me would continue to include me in their activities, most of which seemed to be inconsequential then- and absurd now. I would therefore continue to be very much in the thick of things, without really trying to be part of them. And let me tell you this was very gratifying.
I had however, if truth be said expected myself to run away towards the “Madding Crowd” and not far from it once I reached Mumbai. This was contingent on two assumptions, one- a completely new environment which would take some time to settle in and two- reaching out to people out of sheer boredom for companionship and fostering the general sentiment popularly termed as “friendship”.
It was therefore extremely paradoxical when I realised (with the passage of time), that I seemed to require no “emotional support” to sustain myself in a land far away from where I belonged. I would go for “parties” (if I felt like going for one) and yet would, more often than not, sit at the corner and observe the people I knew and the people around them who I’d no intention of befriending. As time passed I could see myself moving away from “All that Jazz” voluntarily and had,in due course of time succeeded in becoming quite of an enigma like our very own “Phantom of the Opera”. I must however acknowledge the fact that some of the people who I met during the first few months of my stay in Mumbai, and who I continue to run into occasionally/frequently are perhaps one of the best people that one could befriend. Most of them had/continue to have a very good sense of humour, seemed to be aware of things happening around them, could differentiate between a “lacuna” and an “error” and above all had their own point of view. I know for a fact that all of them will be successful professionally in years to come and wish them nothing but the best.
All was not hunky dory. I realised that unlike in the past, I would often doze off (figuratively) or accept explanations/viewpoints if the speaker had the inherent ability to be verbose and could describe in forty five minutes what would otherwise take twenty seven seconds. This bears testimony to the fact that while one does grow older one does not necessarily become wiser.
What was perhaps most surprising (and continues to perplex me as I sit here reminiscing the events which can be termed significant and worthy of mention) was that while I was not looking for companionship I was more often than not wearing my heart on my sleeve. The inherent contradiction of the above aspects is something that I am yet to decipher.
I must mention here, three distinctly different individuals who have (to a certain extent) shaped me ,influenced my behaviour and to a great extent my way of thinking. The first individual, is one who I disliked on our first meeting, realised that we had more in common than what met the eye and broke away from a number of people (discretely) when I realised that there were some externalities that could only be negated by letting go. The second individual is someone who I look upto and shall always be loyal towards. She taught me the essence of not sweating the small stuff, the importance of thinking before reacting and reemphasised the fact that while not everyone would be able to catch up with you, one need not slow down. However, one had to turn back and aid a peer in need -after all that was what distinguished us from beasts.
The third individual is more of an enigma. She fosters(within me)the general sentiment of driving a Formula one Car at full speed towards a closed Iron Gate. While one is aware of the fact that the only realisable outcome is failure, one is tempted to believe that perhaps the gates would open- only by a few metres at first and then entirely .
Rationality or the lack of it, is the bane of existence.
I have often expressed great pride in emphasing (and in most cases, harping upon) the fact that I am an extremely rational human being. In fact I would perhaps go on a step further to describe myself as someone who is “irrationally rational” ,has a say in most things which concern hapless individuals, often betided by grief or extreme poverty and is devoted to the “Cause”, which was universal and hence impossible to define. In short, I was the intellectual, who had read Kafka when he was seventeen, sweared by Andrea Bocelli, loved reading Chomsky (occasionally) and hated people who did not have their own point of view.
One of the advantages of growing old is that while one continues to retain nuances or characteristics which define him/her as a person, one “mellows down” considerably. The above statement ,it must be mentioned,does not necessarily imply that one takes everything that comes up as “ the Divine Truth” (without questioning its sanctity). It is merely an extension of not questioning everything but only things which are of consequence. How one defines “consequence” is also a function of one’s age (in years, months,days, hours and in most cases even seconds) .
The last two years in Mumbai have been a revelation in more ways than one. Among many other things, it made me realise the fact that for someone who was proud of being rational I was exceptionally rigid. I would in most cases not see beyond my arguments, would consider hypotheses as abstractions of reality (and hence irrelevant)and my own words as the “Prophetic” . Perhaps I took Simon & Garfunkel too seriously.
I must clarify at this point that this realisation does not however lead me to doubt my intellectual prowess. I believe that I am sufficiently well read (and therefore entitled to comment of issues of importance ), know my subject very well and more often than not , be it by luck or coincidence can gauge external stimuli well in advance so as to ensure that I remain unaffected by its externality.
I would like to believe that I was reasonably well known in school ,had been somewhat of a loner in college and yet had managed to stand out because of reasons beyond my circle of influence and was used to being someone who was a known face. What this brought forward was the realisation that while I could be asocial, people around me would continue to include me in their activities, most of which seemed to be inconsequential then- and absurd now. I would therefore continue to be very much in the thick of things, without really trying to be part of them. And let me tell you this was very gratifying.
I had however, if truth be said expected myself to run away towards the “Madding Crowd” and not far from it once I reached Mumbai. This was contingent on two assumptions, one- a completely new environment which would take some time to settle in and two- reaching out to people out of sheer boredom for companionship and fostering the general sentiment popularly termed as “friendship”.
It was therefore extremely paradoxical when I realised (with the passage of time), that I seemed to require no “emotional support” to sustain myself in a land far away from where I belonged. I would go for “parties” (if I felt like going for one) and yet would, more often than not, sit at the corner and observe the people I knew and the people around them who I’d no intention of befriending. As time passed I could see myself moving away from “All that Jazz” voluntarily and had,in due course of time succeeded in becoming quite of an enigma like our very own “Phantom of the Opera”. I must however acknowledge the fact that some of the people who I met during the first few months of my stay in Mumbai, and who I continue to run into occasionally/frequently are perhaps one of the best people that one could befriend. Most of them had/continue to have a very good sense of humour, seemed to be aware of things happening around them, could differentiate between a “lacuna” and an “error” and above all had their own point of view. I know for a fact that all of them will be successful professionally in years to come and wish them nothing but the best.
All was not hunky dory. I realised that unlike in the past, I would often doze off (figuratively) or accept explanations/viewpoints if the speaker had the inherent ability to be verbose and could describe in forty five minutes what would otherwise take twenty seven seconds. This bears testimony to the fact that while one does grow older one does not necessarily become wiser.
What was perhaps most surprising (and continues to perplex me as I sit here reminiscing the events which can be termed significant and worthy of mention) was that while I was not looking for companionship I was more often than not wearing my heart on my sleeve. The inherent contradiction of the above aspects is something that I am yet to decipher.
I must mention here, three distinctly different individuals who have (to a certain extent) shaped me ,influenced my behaviour and to a great extent my way of thinking. The first individual, is one who I disliked on our first meeting, realised that we had more in common than what met the eye and broke away from a number of people (discretely) when I realised that there were some externalities that could only be negated by letting go. The second individual is someone who I look upto and shall always be loyal towards. She taught me the essence of not sweating the small stuff, the importance of thinking before reacting and reemphasised the fact that while not everyone would be able to catch up with you, one need not slow down. However, one had to turn back and aid a peer in need -after all that was what distinguished us from beasts.
The third individual is more of an enigma. She fosters(within me)the general sentiment of driving a Formula one Car at full speed towards a closed Iron Gate. While one is aware of the fact that the only realisable outcome is failure, one is tempted to believe that perhaps the gates would open- only by a few metres at first and then entirely .
Rationality or the lack of it, is the bane of existence.